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When Your Heart Longs to be Romanced
Cindi McMenamin - When God Pursues a Woman's Heart

Let me guess. You are a woman who doesn't look forward to Valentine's Day! Whether you are single and without a special someone in your life, or married and tired of being disappointed from unmet expectations on the "Day of Romance," you are not alone.

Surveys show that countless women feel frustrated every year and let down on February 14th primarily because of unmet expectations. Women look for expressions of love that will meet their preconceived romantic notions. And many times, even well-intentioned men can't possibly compete.

In a recent study of what makes married women happy, it was found that the biggest predictor of women's happiness is their husband's emotional engagement. The extent to which he is affectionate, to which he is empathetic, to which he is basically tuned into his wife was the most important factor in predicting the wife's happiness. The study also found "if the wife had to choose between having a husband who is taking half the housework and having a husband who is really making a conscious, deliberate effort to focus emotionally on his wife, the emotional focus is much more likely to be a paramount concern."

That speaks volumes of what women want and expect. And men, who tend to be more action-oriented in how they show their love (by helping with the chores, repairing the garage door, and bringing home a paycheck) can miss the mark with us when it comes to trying to express their affections on Valentine's Day, or any time, for that matter.

That said, fulfilling a woman's idea of romance is not something most men, in particular, specialize in. In fact, many men struggle with how to convey their feelings in a way that their wives or girlfriends will understand and appreciate. And often times, what they think will impress you, doesn't.

Read the rest of When Your Heart Longs to be Romanced

Read more articles on www.Crosswalk.com
Marriage

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Do you place a high expectation on your loved one to romance you?

What is the most romantic thing someone has ever done for you?

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That said...Valentine's day...well. I have a different opinion of it then most. It is ST. Valentine's Day..and it is about remembering someone who was faithful unto DEATH for his GOD. Not much romance there.....

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Romance is what you make it out to be.....regardless.

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ORIGINAL: W.O.F.

wow...talk about people misinterpreting what the article was about! No wonder people have a stereotype of women as seeing themselves as victims.

I think women get disappointed in romance because they fail to communicate what they really want/need to their husbands. We expect our men to be able to read our minds...and they never have been able to, nor will they ever be able to. With that in mind, when they DO fail us (and they will, because they are human) we DO need to keep our eyes on the big picture...that we are loved beyond all reason by God, and even our unromantic mates. No where did it way women were failing...but rather gave a way out of feeling resentful (but it COULD have gone farther into encouraging women to COMMUNICATE these needs to their men....).



That said...Valentine's day...well. I have a different opinion of it then most. It is ST. Valentine's Day..and it is about remembering someone who was faithful unto DEATH for his GOD. Not much romance there.....I just can't get worked up romantically over a day where a man was burned at the stake for his faith.


But as far as the rest of the questions. Yeah...I have been let down romantically....its a fact of life. My hubby, while great, is NOT perfect. Doesn't mean that I don't complain to him or let him know I need more...but I also know his heart. He loves me. I can choose to hold it against him, or communicate my needs to him. What he does with that after that is on him. I am blessed in that he does try very hard to meet my needs....and will ask what I want/need, etc. He has also made note of the things I have said over the years...and he surprises me with those things.

The most romantic thing he has ever done? wow...how do I choose. Maybe when he takes the time to make cards for me, writing the poem himself, even though , as a rule, he is not into poetry. Knowing that he spent the time to write me something from HIS heart and put the struggle into making a poem...means the world to me. That and the time he found a poem that said all he wanted to say to me, even though it wasn't written by him, and had it framed with flowers, for me to keep on my dresser......

Or the fact that he worked 5 years in a horrible factory, and then 5 years in another horrible factory to support us and our first 3 children, while never complaining?

Romance is what you make it out to be.....regardless.

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ORIGINAL: Fritzpw_Admin

quote:


When Your Heart Longs to be Romanced
Cindi McMenamin - When God Pursues a Woman's Heart

Let me guess. You are a woman who doesn't look forward to Valentine's Day! Whether you are single and without a special someone in your life, or married and tired of being disappointed from unmet expectations on the "Day of Romance," you are not alone.

Surveys show that countless women feel frustrated every year and let down on February 14th primarily because of unmet expectations. Women look for expressions of love that will meet their preconceived romantic notions. And many times, even well-intentioned men can't possibly compete.

In a recent study of what makes married women happy, it was found that the biggest predictor of women's happiness is their husband's emotional engagement. The extent to which he is affectionate, to which he is empathetic, to which he is basically tuned into his wife was the most important factor in predicting the wife's happiness. The study also found "if the wife had to choose between having a husband who is taking half the housework and having a husband who is really making a conscious, deliberate effort to focus emotionally on his wife, the emotional focus is much more likely to be a paramount concern."

That speaks volumes of what women want and expect. And men, who tend to be more action-oriented in how they show their love (by helping with the chores, repairing the garage door, and bringing home a paycheck) can miss the mark with us when it comes to trying to express their affections on Valentine's Day, or any time, for that matter.

That said, fulfilling a woman's idea of romance is not something most men, in particular, specialize in. In fact, many men struggle with how to convey their feelings in a way that their wives or girlfriends will understand and appreciate. And often times, what they think will impress you, doesn't.

Read the rest of When Your Heart Longs to be Romanced

Read more articles on www.Crosswalk.com
Marriage

Do you place a high expectation on your loved one to romance you?

What is the most romantic thing someone has ever done for you?

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ORIGINAL: Grace71

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ORIGINAL: W.O.F.

wow...talk about people misinterpreting what the article was about! No wonder people have a stereotype of women as seeing themselves as victims.

I think women get disappointed in romance because they fail to communicate what they really want/need to their husbands. We expect our men to be able to read our minds...and they never have been able to, nor will they ever be able to. With that in mind, when they DO fail us (and they will, because they are human) we DO need to keep our eyes on the big picture...that we are loved beyond all reason by God, and even our unromantic mates. No where did it way women were failing...but rather gave a way out of feeling resentful (but it COULD have gone farther into encouraging women to COMMUNICATE these needs to their men....).



That said...Valentine's day...well. I have a different opinion of it then most. It is ST. Valentine's Day..and it is about remembering someone who was faithful unto DEATH for his GOD. Not much romance there.....I just can't get worked up romantically over a day where a man was burned at the stake for his faith.


But as far as the rest of the questions. Yeah...I have been let down romantically....its a fact of life. My hubby, while great, is NOT perfect. Doesn't mean that I don't complain to him or let him know I need more...but I also know his heart. He loves me. I can choose to hold it against him, or communicate my needs to him. What he does with that after that is on him. I am blessed in that he does try very hard to meet my needs....and will ask what I want/need, etc. He has also made note of the things I have said over the years...and he surprises me with those things.

The most romantic thing he has ever done? wow...how do I choose. Maybe when he takes the time to make cards for me, writing the poem himself, even though , as a rule, he is not into poetry. Knowing that he spent the time to write me something from HIS heart and put the struggle into making a poem...means the world to me. That and the time he found a poem that said all he wanted to say to me, even though it wasn't written by him, and had it framed with flowers, for me to keep on my dresser......

Or the fact that he worked 5 years in a horrible factory, and then 5 years in another horrible factory to support us and our first 3 children, while never complaining?

Romance is what you make it out to be.....regardless.

Yes, we do see ourselves as victims. Victims of a church that tells us almost everything that is wrong, bad, unreasonable in a marriage is our fault. The article was about woman having unmet expectations. In my life, most of the time I have said anything about my husband not meeting my needs, it was my fault because I had 'expectations' of him. So I ask, where are all the articles on how to romance your wife? How about all the articles on husbands having no expectations of the wife and letting her off the hook for everything? Don't see a whole lot of those. I don't understand the point of writing this type of article, then saying we shouldn't expect it. Kind of seems like a bait and switch.

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ORIGINAL: car2ner

when you read the thread:
http://forums.crosswalk.com/What_has_your_husband_done_lately_that_just_made_you_melt%25%25%25/m_2991357/mpage_20/tm.htm#4746322

you can see that some ladies see love in the seemingly small things our men do.

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So I ask, where are all the articles on how to romance your wife?

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Being romantic is not about your own convenience. It's not about what you want to do. It's about making someone else feel like the most important person in the world. It's about love — whether that's a word you use with each other or not — because that's what love does. Love takes risks. Love doesn't settle for mediocrity. Love goes out of its way to put the other person first.
The Bible is full of passages in which the relationship between God and Israel (or the Church) is compared to a romantic relationship. It's a stretch, I know, but can you imagine God — the Creator of octopi and waterfalls and the Eagle Nebula — wooing His bride with a last-minute armful of lame, uninspired gifts? No? Then you know what to do. Drop that box of chocolates and get moving. Happy Valentine's Day!

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How about all the articles on husbands having no expectations of the wife and letting her off the hook for everything?

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But what if this year you took the man in your life off the hook? What if this year you focused not on your expectations or the disappointment that the "Day of Romance" tends to bring, but on the Author of Romance, Himself, and what He's been trying to show you day in and day out about how cherished you are in His sight? In other words, what if this year you looked to God to meet your expectations first and then let the man in your life (if you have one) do what he can and see it as an added bonus?

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I want my Husband to cherish me, like the Bible tells him too.

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Yes, we do see ourselves as victims. Victims of a church that tells us almost everything that is wrong, bad, unreasonable in a marriage is our fault. The article was about woman having unmet expectations. In my life, most of the time I have said anything about my husband not meeting my needs, it was my fault because I had 'expectations' of him. So I ask, where are all the articles on how to romance your wife? How about all the articles on husbands having no expectations of the wife and letting her off the hook for everything? Don't see a whole lot of those. I don't understand the point of writing this type of article, then saying we shouldn't expect it. Kind of seems like a bait and switch.

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ORIGINAL: Fritzpw_Admin

1. Do you place a high expectation on your loved one to romance you?

2. What is the most romantic thing someone has ever done for you?

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Again I will ask if we shouldn't expect to get our emotional needs met from our spouse then why bother getting married?

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All I was trying to say is that from what I myself often see is that if a woman is unhappy or disappointed or whatever with her husband it always comes down to us having to lower our expectations, which in turn lets the men off the hook.

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Men get roundly (and rightly) beaten around the heads here for ridiculous ideas about women maintaining a static level of culturally defined beauty come heck or high water (or kids and hormones).

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Again I will ask if we shouldn't expect to get our emotional needs met from our spouse then why bother getting married?

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ORIGINAL: Grace71

All I was trying to say is that from what I myself often see is that if a woman is unhappy or disappointed or whatever with her husband it always comes down to us having to lower our expectations, which in turn lets the men off the hook. I went through this, I tried this, and he got worse and left, so maybe I am bitter. I'm not necessarily speaking of cultural issues or certain holidays, but a general tone I see a whole lot in the church and on the net. Again I will ask if we shouldn't expect to get our emotional needs met from our spouse then why bother getting married?

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ORIGINAL: Fritzpw_Admin

1. Do you place a high expectation on your loved one to romance you?

2. What is the most romantic thing someone has ever done for you?